Leah is Lazy Product Review: "Healthy" snacks

As part of my ongoing efforts to get healthier, I'm kicking off January with a detox. I've done a detox every year for the past three years, and the idea is to cut out all of the bad stuff and give your body a chance to cleanse and heal. I cut out booze, caffeine, dairy, soy, gluten and processed sugar for anywhere from 21-28 days and usually end up feeling great, having healthier skin, shedding some lbs and having more energy. The problem with it is that on Day 29 I usually go right back to pizza with a side of extra dairy and double gluten, and a pitcher of beer followed by an ice-cream sundae, please. This year, I'm planning on keeping it going for the most part past the 21 days. I will resume drinking on occasion (you know, "Because it's Tuesday! Huzzah!"), but otherwise I'm planning on sticking with the no-gluten, no-dairy, no-caffeine and limited sugar for the long term. BUT!!! Past experience tells me how this will end if I'm all "Will now be food Nazi. No! No! NO!" about it, so in an effort to forego the kneeling prostrate in front of the baked goods case at La Boulange while gently weeping and shoveling cheese danish into my piehole, I've decided to take a different tack on this detox. I'm still avoiding all of the things I should be, but "technically" I'm allowing myself some sweetness in the form of gluten free/vegan/dairy free bar-like items. (OK, I'm cheating. I have to cheat  MYSELF in order to stop myself from derailing my detox and plan for super-fit new me. How messed up is that? Whole other post). Now, I'm not going to detail calories, nutritional value or any of that, because I just care about getting something that tastes better than fruit does and makes me feel less deprived. Here's what my exhaustive research has come up with:

LARA BAR: Apple Pie

Taste: I hate nuts, but can sometimes stomach them if they're all ground up and you can't really taste them too much (almonds are sort of the only nut this works for, btw. Yes, I hate peanut butter. I know that makes people angry and astonished, but it's true). This was far too nutty for me. Gross. That was all I could taste. Aborted after first bite.
Consistency: Not bad. Like a regular bar.
Overall: Would probably be fine if you like nuts. 2/5

Lydia's Organic Raspberry Bar

Taste: OMG, this was a brick. Honestly, I thought I'd break a tooth trying to bite into this. Once I did, the raspberry flavor was pretty mild and not bad, but I can only imagine what kind of magical saliva you'd need to have to break this down. Now, perplexingly, the package says "Eat crunchy, or rehydrate", which I at first thought was a mantra for life or something (you know those hippies), but after my initial attempt at biting, I figured it was meant for the bar. Fine! Good to know. Um, except, except, HOW do you rehydrate? Because let me tell you, sitting at your desk and pouring water on the bar results in a pool of water on your desk and nothing much else it seems. I thought the website might be able to enlighten me, but no. Do you soak it in apple juice? Is there a rehydrator I know nothing about? Was I sick for that day of Goddess school when you learned about rehydrating snacks? I don't know, but I do know anything I have to work that hard for is not worth it. Binned after two bites. I guess I'll just go eat an apple. Jesus.

Consistency: SOLID! Solid as a rock. Maybe better once rehydrated, but come on now!

Overall: Big fat fail.0.5/5

BumbleBar: Chunky Cherry

Taste: Again with the nuts!! This one had the added difficulty of also having approximately a million toasted sesame seeds which make it taste even nuttier. It lived up to the name with huge chunks of cherry, but again, not too edible for someone who hates nuts.

Consistency: Weird. Sort of sticky. Actually, now that I think about it, it seems like a million sesame seeds held together with honey. The cherry chunks were a nice diversion.

Overall: Once you get past the sticky consistency, not too bad. 3/5 but mainly because I <3 cherries.

18 Rabbits: Cheeky Cherry Chocolate

Taste: I actually got this one in a gift basket over Christmas, and was pleasantly surprised. It does contain dairy, so no good for my current detox, but the nuts in here were barely detectable, the consistency was good and it was very satisfying. Not too sweet, even with the choclate.

Consistency: Great. Just like a trail mix bar. Substantial size also. Would be good for hiking.

Overall: Will do business again. They have a fig flavored one that's dairy free but not gluten free, so I'd like it if they had one that encompassed both, but can't fault them on taste. 4/5

Crispy Cat Candy Bars: Mint Coconut

Taste: TOTALLY like a candy bar. Delicious!!! Now, with 12g of sugar, it really IS a candy bar, but hey, no gluten! no dairy! This was formulated by a guy who used to be a big partier in Miami, but then became all healthy and whatnot and moved to Asheville, NC (of course he did! Not that Asheville's anything but awesome you know. The H/BF and I had a blast there one night on a road trip from SC to TN. Very cute litte town. Just basically like a Berkeley-like enclave in the middle of a very red state). I wouldn't say one of these a day is any better than a Twix a day, but if you want to feel like you're having something that is at least all organic and made with natural ingredients, this would be what I'd pick.

Consistency: Sort of like the crispy bits in a 100 Grand, only more condensed. Solid. Satisfying.

Overall: A++. Def. will do business again. 5/5

So, there you have it people! If I plan on making this eating healthier and working out thing a lifetime commitment, I need to face facts that occasionally I'm still going to want pizza, or La Boulange, or a loaf of bread, or a giant wheel of Brie, or candy or what have you. Taking the baby step to at least search out healthier candy is a start.

Let me know if you guys have come up with any other gluten free and/or dairy free picks that you like!