Leah is Lazy Product Review: "Healthy" snacks

As part of my ongoing efforts to get healthier, I'm kicking off January with a detox. I've done a detox every year for the past three years, and the idea is to cut out all of the bad stuff and give your body a chance to cleanse and heal. I cut out booze, caffeine, dairy, soy, gluten and processed sugar for anywhere from 21-28 days and usually end up feeling great, having healthier skin, shedding some lbs and having more energy. The problem with it is that on Day 29 I usually go right back to pizza with a side of extra dairy and double gluten, and a pitcher of beer followed by an ice-cream sundae, please. This year, I'm planning on keeping it going for the most part past the 21 days. I will resume drinking on occasion (you know, "Because it's Tuesday! Huzzah!"), but otherwise I'm planning on sticking with the no-gluten, no-dairy, no-caffeine and limited sugar for the long term. BUT!!! Past experience tells me how this will end if I'm all "Will now be food Nazi. No! No! NO!" about it, so in an effort to forego the kneeling prostrate in front of the baked goods case at La Boulange while gently weeping and shoveling cheese danish into my piehole, I've decided to take a different tack on this detox. I'm still avoiding all of the things I should be, but "technically" I'm allowing myself some sweetness in the form of gluten free/vegan/dairy free bar-like items. (OK, I'm cheating. I have to cheat  MYSELF in order to stop myself from derailing my detox and plan for super-fit new me. How messed up is that? Whole other post). Now, I'm not going to detail calories, nutritional value or any of that, because I just care about getting something that tastes better than fruit does and makes me feel less deprived. Here's what my exhaustive research has come up with:

LARA BAR: Apple Pie

Taste: I hate nuts, but can sometimes stomach them if they're all ground up and you can't really taste them too much (almonds are sort of the only nut this works for, btw. Yes, I hate peanut butter. I know that makes people angry and astonished, but it's true). This was far too nutty for me. Gross. That was all I could taste. Aborted after first bite.
Consistency: Not bad. Like a regular bar.
Overall: Would probably be fine if you like nuts. 2/5

Lydia's Organic Raspberry Bar

Taste: OMG, this was a brick. Honestly, I thought I'd break a tooth trying to bite into this. Once I did, the raspberry flavor was pretty mild and not bad, but I can only imagine what kind of magical saliva you'd need to have to break this down. Now, perplexingly, the package says "Eat crunchy, or rehydrate", which I at first thought was a mantra for life or something (you know those hippies), but after my initial attempt at biting, I figured it was meant for the bar. Fine! Good to know. Um, except, except, HOW do you rehydrate? Because let me tell you, sitting at your desk and pouring water on the bar results in a pool of water on your desk and nothing much else it seems. I thought the website might be able to enlighten me, but no. Do you soak it in apple juice? Is there a rehydrator I know nothing about? Was I sick for that day of Goddess school when you learned about rehydrating snacks? I don't know, but I do know anything I have to work that hard for is not worth it. Binned after two bites. I guess I'll just go eat an apple. Jesus.

Consistency: SOLID! Solid as a rock. Maybe better once rehydrated, but come on now!

Overall: Big fat fail.0.5/5

BumbleBar: Chunky Cherry

Taste: Again with the nuts!! This one had the added difficulty of also having approximately a million toasted sesame seeds which make it taste even nuttier. It lived up to the name with huge chunks of cherry, but again, not too edible for someone who hates nuts.

Consistency: Weird. Sort of sticky. Actually, now that I think about it, it seems like a million sesame seeds held together with honey. The cherry chunks were a nice diversion.

Overall: Once you get past the sticky consistency, not too bad. 3/5 but mainly because I <3 cherries.

18 Rabbits: Cheeky Cherry Chocolate

Taste: I actually got this one in a gift basket over Christmas, and was pleasantly surprised. It does contain dairy, so no good for my current detox, but the nuts in here were barely detectable, the consistency was good and it was very satisfying. Not too sweet, even with the choclate.

Consistency: Great. Just like a trail mix bar. Substantial size also. Would be good for hiking.

Overall: Will do business again. They have a fig flavored one that's dairy free but not gluten free, so I'd like it if they had one that encompassed both, but can't fault them on taste. 4/5

Crispy Cat Candy Bars: Mint Coconut

Taste: TOTALLY like a candy bar. Delicious!!! Now, with 12g of sugar, it really IS a candy bar, but hey, no gluten! no dairy! This was formulated by a guy who used to be a big partier in Miami, but then became all healthy and whatnot and moved to Asheville, NC (of course he did! Not that Asheville's anything but awesome you know. The H/BF and I had a blast there one night on a road trip from SC to TN. Very cute litte town. Just basically like a Berkeley-like enclave in the middle of a very red state). I wouldn't say one of these a day is any better than a Twix a day, but if you want to feel like you're having something that is at least all organic and made with natural ingredients, this would be what I'd pick.

Consistency: Sort of like the crispy bits in a 100 Grand, only more condensed. Solid. Satisfying.

Overall: A++. Def. will do business again. 5/5

So, there you have it people! If I plan on making this eating healthier and working out thing a lifetime commitment, I need to face facts that occasionally I'm still going to want pizza, or La Boulange, or a loaf of bread, or a giant wheel of Brie, or candy or what have you. Taking the baby step to at least search out healthier candy is a start.

Let me know if you guys have come up with any other gluten free and/or dairy free picks that you like!

Storm of the century, Eye of the tiger......

How about that rain yesterday, huh? As I was walking to BART in the downpour and then sitting at my desk with soaked feet and a bad attitude, I was secretly plotting my absence from boot camp today. I mean, no way this torrential downpour would be over by this morning, right? Might as well all settle in for a long wet spell!! And while we all enjoy a good Rocky montage with him running through the rain and drinking raw eggs, I think we all agree that's for people of a far heartier constitution than myself. I just got a pedicure for Christ's sake!!

So, it was with a tear in my eye and bitterness in my heart that I woke up at 3:00am this morning to no comforting plinking of rain outside my window. Still no rain at 5:40. Annoying. I dressed and hied myself over to Berkeley. Today's class also featured a small group, allowing me to immediately feel morally superior to all of the people who didn't make it to class, and isn't that the main point of exercise? To win? Even if the winning is accomplished by virtue of people NOT doing something. Just by showing up, I'm already ahead. And when you still can't do a full push-up, you take whatever small slice of the victory pie you can. Here, read this; She gets it.

This morning's workout was kind of surreal. Because there were so few of us, we were able to work out in the little studio where all of the equipment/torture devices are stored. It's basically a cute little innocuous looking barn from the outside, but inside it's filled with all kinds of weird stuff and has ropes and chains and weight bags (?!? ummm, boxing bags maybe? Weight bags seems wrong. Oh, wait; Lord Google informs me it is indeed a "boxing bag".One of these things.) hanging from the ceiling.

Which is all great and very gym-like. Until you have 10 profusely sweating people in there. Combine that with the frigid air coming in from outside and all of a sudden you're in a humid little barn with eddies of steam and sweat rising and swirling, giving a very "Gorillas in the Mist" like feeling. No? Was I alone in that comparison? See, this is yet another screwed up part about exercise. Your body just takes over. Now, I've heard a ton of people like this side-effect. Quiet the mind and all that. It is very primal, being able to hear your heart pounding in your ears as you try not to throw up or pass out,  I'll give it that. And I can see the allure, but when your mind has enjoyed a lifetime of reading and being hyperactive and very imaginative, your body taking over sometimes causes you to go all kinds of weird places. As I lay there doing ab work (so much ab work. So hard. So sob-inducing), looking at the pretty grey paint on the ceiling and the hooks and ropes and various trinkets and whatnots dangling above, as my breath streamed all around me and dawn was just breaking (or maybe my vision was tunneling due to the abs workout. My God, the abs) I immediately thought of Victorian London and darkened alleys where Jack the Ripper lies in wait. My body's working so hard just to keep me alive, my mind is roaming all over the place thinking about whether I'd be able to fight off Jack the Ripper now that I've been lifting weights? MESSED UP, right!?!?! What do you think about when you work out?

Working out in Ye Olde London

But hey, at least it's not raining anymore! And Week 4* is almost done. I WIN!

How lazy is she??.......

Well, so lazy I totally flaked on posting my "Workout Week in Review: Week 3" on Friday. Here's what it would have said: Monday we ran. That was unpleasant. Wednesday we boxed. That was unpleasant. Friday I didn't make it to bootcamp, so, for anyone keeping track, with three weeks of bootcamp under my belt, there have been 2 where I've missed one day. Stellar record!! And feeling guilty about it is almost as good as actually exercising, right? I must clarify and say that it wasn't sheer laziness this time. I was down with the sickness last week, people. It was bad. About yearly I get a flare-up of diverticulitis (me and Grace Slick and John Cleese apparently! Thank you, Wiki! No more hiding in shame for me.), and wow. Just wow. The searing and blinding pain, the inability to stand up straight, the nausea, the total loss of appetite (let's silver lining this!) and resulting weakness all contributed to my inability to get up at 5:40 and even contemplate doing crunches. Or you know, walking.

I've had diverticulosis for years now, and have flirted with some holistic ways of lessening flare-ups as recommended by my nutritionist. For me, going gluten free has always helped me feel better. Less bloated. Less blah. Just better. BUT I have to say, that when you're gluten-free you miss out on a lot of good stuff.

So bad. So good.. And, bread? I'll miss you most of all.  

Anyway, this latest flare-up was actually good in a way because it reminded me that while sandwiches may be OH SO GOOD, working out and then eating a vat of mayonnaise on bread/pizza/cheeseburgers/burritos the size of my head just won't work for me. Or probably anyone for that matter, but especially me. So, in a way, this was a good wake-up call that while exercising will definitely help, eating right has to be a component too. BO-RING, but true and I was fighting it. Believe me, noone more fervently hoped that I'd be the one person who could exercise three times a week while eating a cheesecake and see the lbs fall off as I toned.  Fortuitously, last Wednesday a Whole Foods opened in my neighborhood (btw, I'm all for healthcare for everyone, and I saw that jackass Whole Foods CEO compare universal healthcare to giving people free access to wine and having them all buy the $300 bottle instead of the $7 bottle, just because it's available. That makes sense. Yeah, like people would really be like "Hmmm. Heart surgery sounds good. BECAUSE I CAN! mwah hah hah". But anyway, my point is, he's a douchehat obviously, but..... fresh produce! Delightful hot food items! Cheeses as far as the eye can see! Gluten-free produce for aisles. I wish I could quit you WF, but I'm in the throes of a deep and powerful crush right now so, no boycott for me. If someone else could boycott on my behalf, that'd be great) so the eating right has been made more convenient (again, LAZY people. So lazy. Do not underestimate me) and I'm committing to going Gluten-Free again and increasing fruit and veggies and protein and blah de blah de blah.

This morning I did manage to get back on track and get up at 5:40 in the freezing cold and walk 20 miles uphill in the snow with no shoes....and, oh no, wait....that wasn't me. This morning's workout (only 10 of us showed up-I already win, right?) consisted of warmups and then 4 times around a circuit with all kinds of fresh hell built in. I got trapped and disoriented in my sweater at one point when I was trying to take it off, and I thought I'd just been raptured. Being in heaven with a bunch of goody-two-shoes sounded better than doing any more squat thrusts with weights. I'm hopeful one day soon that won't be the case anymore.

Anyway, we finish our circuit and I was appalled to see we still had 20 minutes left. I know you can see this one coming, but I'd just like to point out that we had TWENTY straight minutes of ab work. Ab work that left us all crying, (by "us all" I mean me), had some people leaving mid-way, had Dmitri even exclaiming that Kelly was killing us, had us joking about throwing up. Yes, that's what my life has come to. I joke about throwing up from physical exertion now. Never saw that one coming.

In review, week 3 gets a solid C again. Week 4 is off to a good start, but I'm traveling for work and will miss both Wednesday and Friday so I've committed to working out on the road. You know, running up 5 flights of stairs 10 times as Dmitri told me. Basic stuff like that. EASY.

Also, a play at home portion: H/BF seems to be coming down with a cold. I forced him to stay home this morning. What do you think about working out when sick? Push through the pain/sneezes/hacking cough, or give your body time to recover? You tell me!