Leah is Lazy Product Review: "Healthy" snacks

As part of my ongoing efforts to get healthier, I'm kicking off January with a detox. I've done a detox every year for the past three years, and the idea is to cut out all of the bad stuff and give your body a chance to cleanse and heal. I cut out booze, caffeine, dairy, soy, gluten and processed sugar for anywhere from 21-28 days and usually end up feeling great, having healthier skin, shedding some lbs and having more energy. The problem with it is that on Day 29 I usually go right back to pizza with a side of extra dairy and double gluten, and a pitcher of beer followed by an ice-cream sundae, please. This year, I'm planning on keeping it going for the most part past the 21 days. I will resume drinking on occasion (you know, "Because it's Tuesday! Huzzah!"), but otherwise I'm planning on sticking with the no-gluten, no-dairy, no-caffeine and limited sugar for the long term. BUT!!! Past experience tells me how this will end if I'm all "Will now be food Nazi. No! No! NO!" about it, so in an effort to forego the kneeling prostrate in front of the baked goods case at La Boulange while gently weeping and shoveling cheese danish into my piehole, I've decided to take a different tack on this detox. I'm still avoiding all of the things I should be, but "technically" I'm allowing myself some sweetness in the form of gluten free/vegan/dairy free bar-like items. (OK, I'm cheating. I have to cheat  MYSELF in order to stop myself from derailing my detox and plan for super-fit new me. How messed up is that? Whole other post). Now, I'm not going to detail calories, nutritional value or any of that, because I just care about getting something that tastes better than fruit does and makes me feel less deprived. Here's what my exhaustive research has come up with:

LARA BAR: Apple Pie

Taste: I hate nuts, but can sometimes stomach them if they're all ground up and you can't really taste them too much (almonds are sort of the only nut this works for, btw. Yes, I hate peanut butter. I know that makes people angry and astonished, but it's true). This was far too nutty for me. Gross. That was all I could taste. Aborted after first bite.
Consistency: Not bad. Like a regular bar.
Overall: Would probably be fine if you like nuts. 2/5

Lydia's Organic Raspberry Bar

Taste: OMG, this was a brick. Honestly, I thought I'd break a tooth trying to bite into this. Once I did, the raspberry flavor was pretty mild and not bad, but I can only imagine what kind of magical saliva you'd need to have to break this down. Now, perplexingly, the package says "Eat crunchy, or rehydrate", which I at first thought was a mantra for life or something (you know those hippies), but after my initial attempt at biting, I figured it was meant for the bar. Fine! Good to know. Um, except, except, HOW do you rehydrate? Because let me tell you, sitting at your desk and pouring water on the bar results in a pool of water on your desk and nothing much else it seems. I thought the website might be able to enlighten me, but no. Do you soak it in apple juice? Is there a rehydrator I know nothing about? Was I sick for that day of Goddess school when you learned about rehydrating snacks? I don't know, but I do know anything I have to work that hard for is not worth it. Binned after two bites. I guess I'll just go eat an apple. Jesus.

Consistency: SOLID! Solid as a rock. Maybe better once rehydrated, but come on now!

Overall: Big fat fail.0.5/5

BumbleBar: Chunky Cherry

Taste: Again with the nuts!! This one had the added difficulty of also having approximately a million toasted sesame seeds which make it taste even nuttier. It lived up to the name with huge chunks of cherry, but again, not too edible for someone who hates nuts.

Consistency: Weird. Sort of sticky. Actually, now that I think about it, it seems like a million sesame seeds held together with honey. The cherry chunks were a nice diversion.

Overall: Once you get past the sticky consistency, not too bad. 3/5 but mainly because I <3 cherries.

18 Rabbits: Cheeky Cherry Chocolate

Taste: I actually got this one in a gift basket over Christmas, and was pleasantly surprised. It does contain dairy, so no good for my current detox, but the nuts in here were barely detectable, the consistency was good and it was very satisfying. Not too sweet, even with the choclate.

Consistency: Great. Just like a trail mix bar. Substantial size also. Would be good for hiking.

Overall: Will do business again. They have a fig flavored one that's dairy free but not gluten free, so I'd like it if they had one that encompassed both, but can't fault them on taste. 4/5

Crispy Cat Candy Bars: Mint Coconut

Taste: TOTALLY like a candy bar. Delicious!!! Now, with 12g of sugar, it really IS a candy bar, but hey, no gluten! no dairy! This was formulated by a guy who used to be a big partier in Miami, but then became all healthy and whatnot and moved to Asheville, NC (of course he did! Not that Asheville's anything but awesome you know. The H/BF and I had a blast there one night on a road trip from SC to TN. Very cute litte town. Just basically like a Berkeley-like enclave in the middle of a very red state). I wouldn't say one of these a day is any better than a Twix a day, but if you want to feel like you're having something that is at least all organic and made with natural ingredients, this would be what I'd pick.

Consistency: Sort of like the crispy bits in a 100 Grand, only more condensed. Solid. Satisfying.

Overall: A++. Def. will do business again. 5/5

So, there you have it people! If I plan on making this eating healthier and working out thing a lifetime commitment, I need to face facts that occasionally I'm still going to want pizza, or La Boulange, or a loaf of bread, or a giant wheel of Brie, or candy or what have you. Taking the baby step to at least search out healthier candy is a start.

Let me know if you guys have come up with any other gluten free and/or dairy free picks that you like!

Moving forward, Looking back

So! That happened. Holidays and gift-giving and traveling, and hosting and eating too much, and drinking too much, and oh, the drinking! Oh, the eating! It seemed like 2009 just evaporated, and in reviewing, I feel like I spent so much of it waiting impatiently for it to be over. Sorry, 2009!! As it turns out, while you may have been a historically shitty year for some people, you didn't treat me half badly.  The first half of the year was spent preparing for and having a wedding:

Awwwwww! I CAN HAZ WEDDING RING NOW?

Then, once we got back from our honeymoon it was already June and, GAWD! can't I just have some time to not be planning a wedding and get back to normal?  The summer was a haze of returning to work, telling people about how being married is the exact same as not being married, baseball games and enjoying the sweet kiss of all the delicious gluten I'd deprived myself of so I wouldn't look like a heifer at the wedding and on the beach. Well, as it turns out, the sweet kiss turned out to be a total date-rape that left me all bloated and pudgy and gross-feeling by mid-September. Why, gluten, why? Anyway, the rest of the year was filled with the standards- work, travel for work, beginning to work out, neglecting my diet (WHAT? I'm working out now!), Mad Men Season 3, complaining about how fast the year was flying by while simultaneously waiting to be over the holidays and on to a New! Year! (pictured in my mind with jazz hands behind at all times), whic you know, would make my life different? Or something?.

So, here we are! January. In the manner of "The Secret" (which, they're making a movie? Jesus), I will now share with you all the things I envision for myself froma  workout standpoint and will make happen this year:

• I will continue with boot camp until I notice more positive changes
  Sure, there have been changes since I started working out regularly, but the sucky part about changing your entire body is that it takes time for your fat cells to get motivated to get gone. In their defense, they've had a nice long run of it and seem pretty comfortable. Where I had envisioned working out for three months as a Mucinex-level evacuation of any squishy bits, they're instead stubbornly hanging on, and possibly migrating to other areas in the hopes I won't notice.Let me reiterate, I've seen a lot of positive changes since I started working out, but, because it wouldn't be real unless I could complain about it, let me get that out of the way right now.
  Silver lining: thighs have definitely slimmed down a lot and saddlebags be-gone! Yay!
  Way to never miss the grey cloud: my thighs were never my biggest concern
  Light at the end of the tunnel: those squats have most certainly helped a LOT with my butt becoming its own separate entity, and not just a mass that seeped onto my thighs (hmmmm. Could've maybe chosen a better word than "seeped", but sorry, you're stuck with that image now)
  Oncoming train moment: fat from my ass may be stubbornly climbing to settle on heretofore not problematic "love handles"
  Exciting developments: Arms are certainly firming up and my back is showing signs of improvement also.
  Way to complain anyway: Um, the other flabby bits are still there. But getting less flabby.
  
• I will continue to work on my push-ups
  Kelly showed me how what I thought was a kick-ass (if assisted by my knees resting comfortably on the floor) push-up was in fact all wrong, so now I'm doing this variation where my hips are low to the ground and my poor little elbows flail wildly while I manage to depress myself about an inch towards the ground and scream in pain. This is the year I make push-ups my bitch.
  
• I will be less likely to give in when things are hard or boring or not fun
  Without getting all "Eye of the Tiger" on you, this is one thing working out has really helped me with. The H/BF and I have a running joke that if something is hard you should just quit, but I've mentioned before how I've been amazed by what pushing myself can do. Mental game and blah, blah, blah, feelings of pride, accomplishment etc. Which is a good thing to apply to everything really. Work is boring and not interesting? You know what? That's ok. Do it anyway. Just delve in and keep going and then your day is over and before you know it you've made a dent in your workload and you feel good that you didn't spend 6 of your 8 hours ensuring the Internet is still there. (It is by the way)
  
• I will start supplementing boot camp with other exercise
  Sneaky, sneaky exercise! I started off thrilled by making it to class three times a week. And I still am, but gradually all those damn endorphins and the changes you start to see really do start to become something to look forward to. Then, before you know it you're thinking "maybe I should take a yoga class on Tuesday/go for a short run/go for  hike/ride a bicycle" or something similar and that's why exercise is a gateway drug. When will I indulge all of my bad habits if good habits are trying to force their way in? Crap!
  
• I will start eating healthier more consistently
  See above re. gateway drug. I'm currently doing a detox (no booze, caffeine, gluten, dairy, sugar) and really want to keep a few of those habits going well past my 21-day finish line. Now, let me also add that if my metabolism gets crazy fast because I'm doing all this good stuff, I will probably enjoy shoveling Milk Duds in my face at an alarming rate again. But that's OK, because if I ever get to that level I DESERVE IT. Let me be.

And just because I can, here's what I hope to get done on a non-workout personal level for 2010:

• Try to be maybe sorta more tolerant and less easily annoyed and bitingly sarcastic about other people just trying to live thier lives. Even if that life-living includes any of the following: stupidity, mouth-breathing, flip-flops, visors, Ed Hardy, loudness, obnoxiousness or just generally being a douche. (Wow. In rereading that I realize I've just vowed to be nicer to the cast of Jersey Shore.)
• Be a better friend and correspondent. I'm lucky enough to have a lot of friends, some living far away. My letter/email-writing is woefully infrequent although I think about them all often. I plan to do more of letting them know that. For local friends that means more time, more involvement, more letting them know they're aces also. (That sound you hear is all my nearby friends heaving a collected sigh of "Eeeehhhhmm, what's this more involvement thing?")
• Hopefully get knocked up. There. I said it. GULP. Boy, it feels weird to think about getting pregnant on purpose when all your life you've been steadfastly devoted to the opposite. But, H/BF is awesome, would be a great Dad, we're all official and stuff, and somewhere between 30 and now my biological clock went from non-existent to powered by Timex and it just WILL NOT STOP. So there. Scary.

More on that later. I've still got those push-ups to conquer, that fat to blast, that eating healthy to start and also this blog to update more regularly.

By the way, this Workout Week in Review consisted of the following:
Boot camp x 3. I win!
Sweat x 1,000,000
Muscle soreness x 3 days of being crippled.

Not a bad start to 2010! Hope the same is true for you!

Workout One-Day Week in review - Week 5

Oops!! This workout week (and by week, I mean "Monday") brought to you by the Bay Bridge FAIL. I worked out on Monday. It was actually pretty good. I managed consistent 30-second sprints, I did some complicated kettle-bell lifting, I may have completed an actual push-up (I sort of blacked out, so I'm not sure, but I was still in plank position and my arms were wobbling when I came to, so I think I did it), I gave the old abs a good once-over and I felt sweaty and inspired coming away. Then the Bay Bridge CRUMBLED INTO THE BAY on Tuesday, Well, not really, but my confidence level is such that I feel it's only a matter of time. Fear of dying while going to workout (oh, the irony! And no makeup and yoga pants? Not the final look anyone would choose for oneself I'm sure) aside, the Bay Bridge has yet to reopen. This means that I have not worked out since Monday. Now, sure, all you sensible people are saying "But, you could work out in the city! There's a gym about 75 paces from your front door. A gym you've been a dues paying member of for nigh on 7 years now! Just work out there! Just walk home from work even! That's a 4 mile hike. Lots of it uphill!! Do it!" And to all you sensible people, I say SHUT IT! My workout regimen now consists of boot camp and feeling bad about not going to bootcamp when I skip it. That is all I can handle, people.

So, effectively this week was a total bust workout-wise. Here is a partial list of things I did get accomplished though:

• Took Miss Corolla to the mechanic and had her interior door handles fixed. Both the driver and passenger side door handles broke off. About a year ago now. And let me tell you, just getting in the car and opening the door with a handle instead of the complicated hand-out-the-window routine is a JOY. A sheer joy, people. I also fixed her brake lights, which "I swear, officer, I had no idea they were out! Or that license plate light! Who knew?"
  I don't know why, but doing something like taking my car in seems the very epitome of grown-up responsibility to me. I get the same feeling from buying stamps and having them on hand when somebody needs one.
  
• Made it through those two Netflix movies we've had sitting there since 08/04/09.
  Boy, that "Man on Wire" was a nailbiter, huh? I mean, even though the guy was sitting there narrating, so you know he didn't plunge to his death or or anything, it was crazy tense. And what a character. Totally "bat-sheet-crazee" as the French would say, but tres entertaining. And, by the way, does he have family money? How was this 20-something guy flying all over the world with his tightrope and entourage? Good flick.
  "25th Hour", a Spike Lee joint was meh. Good to see A-Paq with dark hair again, but really more of a mood piece than anything else. I was hoping for a little more resolution. And isn't Philip Seymour Hoffman just so greasy in everything? Yes, great thespian and all that, but he just looks like he always has halitosis and a proclivity to touch himself inappropriately mid-sentence. Also, Ed Norton.
  
• Finally left Etsy feedback on my recently received item.
  My first Etsy purchase was fraught with drama. The package didn't initially arrive, and the tracking said it made it to NY and then it disappeared. Then the seller was mid-move, so I emailed and didn't get an immediate response and figured I'd just been ROBBED BY THE INTERNETZ. Of course, everything worked out in the end and I absolutely love my little bird necklace. Her shop is temporarily closed, but please do go check out Joanna Rutter's work here for major cuteness if you're going through a big avian love affair like I am. A+++, will do business again.
  
• Bathed my dog and bought all manner of pet supplies at the pet-store, including Advantage, which, holy shit, you want $65 for?
  Leland does not like getting a bath. He stands there and shivers, all while looking up at you in a very resigned manner and with a face that says "Ladies and gentlemen, I implore you!". It's heartbreaking.  Then the head to tail shaking for 30 minutes thereafter is quite the production too. So, that's actually an accomplishment when we get him clean. Who knew he had a pink belly?
  
• Organized and made reservations for a group of us to attend this.
  Now, sure, making restaurant reservations is not that complicated but let me tell you, I had to first get everyone to agree to a plan, commit to a time, and actually follow through on going. Then it was sold out, so I ended up on the wait list, and had to call twice to get in. I'm exhausted and I haven't even had to get all Top Chef on anything yet.

Now, here is a partial list of things other people did that make my list (and yours) look completely ridiculous and made me sad:

• Obama salutes fallen soldiers
  Look, I understand this was just a gesture. A small one at that, but one of the things that truly resonated with me about Obama on the campaign trail was I really felt that he never portrayed himself as having all the answers. I liked how he held us all responsible for the State of America in his inaugural speech, and didn't make it seem like he knew how to change everything. At the end of the day, this was 18 families (out of thousands more, I know) that will not have their loved ones with them for Thanksgiving, for another Christmas, and I've got to imagine that at least one of those families is wondering what it was all for. To have the President acknowledge their loss and salute those soldiers in the pre-dawn whipping wind hopefully lends an air of dignity to their sacrifice and lets their loved ones know they mattered. That they still mater. To hear the President acknowledge that this affects his thoughts about sending 40,000 more troops to Afghanistan makes me feel heartened that we're seeing a real person who doesn't always know the right way to proceed, but will pause and consider before moving forward.
  
• A 15 year old speaks up and grows up faster than she should have to
  The utter tragedy of the Richmond High gang rape has been covered by many people far more eloquently than I ever could, but hearing school officials say things like "We'll redouble our efforts to ensure that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated." and hearing the Aunt of one of the suspects say "There is no way in hell I will see my nephew blamed in this because he is black." is just so indescribably wrong that it leaves me reeling. Seeing the 15 year old friend of the victim slam the school districtin the video above like she did hopefully means that the community is rallying around  starting a groundswell to eradicate crimes like this in Richmond, and everywhere else.

• Matthew Weiner created and writes for Mad Men
  Oh that Matthew Weiner! He's awesome. Mad Men is magic. If you're not watching it, you're missing out.

They're now saying the bridge will be closed over the weekend, so we'll see how next week goes. Until then, Happy Halloween!!

Workout Week in Review: Week 4*

You know, I don't think I've ever actually seen a "Rocky" movie all the way through, but whenever I try to search for something that adequately expresses the way I feel on a Friday with another week of working out behind me, the theme song involuntarily starts in my head and images like this seem to sum it up better than I ever could:

I look like this after every workout. Minus the flag. And the..oh you get it.

Seriously, somehing about the sweat, the beaten down but victorious aura, and the slightly brain-damaged look just encapsulate the agony that is working out better than any lengthy diatribe could. But get ready for a lengthy diatribe anyway.

I must say, Week 4* was my week *pats self on back* . I mean, I OWNED those stupid workouts this week. I don't know if it was the time off last week, or the fact that I've been at this now for a whole month (and a few days, but let's not get technical), or the fact that Dmitri told me when I first met him that I'd be able to do a push-up within a month, but this week saw a return to extreme soreness after each workout, gallons of sweat and steam exuded and marginal noticeable improvements.

Today a whopping 6 of us showed up. Showed up and were "beaten by the fitness stick" as Kelly put it. Ouch. I won't bore you with the details but just imagine much gnashing of teeth, rending of limbs and wailing. Not to mention the other 5 girls (ba dum bum! Thank you! I'm here all week folks!...). Seriously, it was yet another circuit involving pain and burpees and weighted squats and push presses and sprints and weighted lunges and kettle bells and then...hopscotch. That's right! They've destroyed jump rope for me, and now they're slowly working their way through all of my other childhood enjoyments. What's next? Hula hoops? Affixing Care Bears in a weight belt around me? Making me stay in a consistent squat by putting me in an ALF costume? When does it end?

    What you didn't know is that ALF had GREAT glutes

Anyway, I figured I'd start my circuit with hopscotch, because IT'S HOPSCOTCH! I mean, I did this for hours as a child. And then I'd go and jump rope all the way home. How hard can it be? Well, not so hard. The first time through on one leg. Moderately harder the second and third, and by the fourth you're just weeping for the 8 year old self who hopscotched the day away with nary a care or aching hamstring in the world. There's a scene in this epically underrated cinematic masterpiece , where Zac Efron (le sigh) has just been transported back into his significantly hotter 17 year old self's body (sorry Matt Per. We had some good times. We'll always have "The Whole Nine Yards", where, by the way, Bruce Willis was much hotter than you also. Sowwy! Guess that's your lot), and he's flying around the basketball court and jumping and being all athletic and he stops and comments "We are all in such good shape". Well, you said a mouthful mister. I know my 8 year old self would have been ashamed to see me stopping before each turn, panting like a wildebeest, and, the horror, completely missing the ring I was supposed to land in sometimes. Now, in my defense, hopscotch is played in squares and these were circles we were supposed to be hopping through, but all the same, small consolation, no?

On a positive note, from there I surprised myself by doing some complicated lifting of weights while in a plank position, having "perfect form" on my squats when a kettlebell was forcing me lower to the ground than I ever wanted to go, not falling while sprinting, and being told my burpees were "looking better". This was a good week.

Grade for  Week 4* : You know, I'm just going to go ahead and put it out there. An A. That's right. I aced it this week. Showed up every day, pushed myself, saw some improvements (back fat possibly diminishing? Maybe? Becoming overall less mushy? Possibly.), was achy like nobody's business (because the pain means I'm doing it right! Lactic acid buildup FTW!) and also, my level of complaining while working out has maybe gotten a little better.

Good job, Leah! Now go forth and enjoy date night with H/BF tonight, listen to music and drink wine on Treasure Island tomorrow and maybe get a little "Where the Wild things Are" in there for good measure. You all do the same! Or, you know, your version of a fun weekend.

How lazy is she??.......

Well, so lazy I totally flaked on posting my "Workout Week in Review: Week 3" on Friday. Here's what it would have said: Monday we ran. That was unpleasant. Wednesday we boxed. That was unpleasant. Friday I didn't make it to bootcamp, so, for anyone keeping track, with three weeks of bootcamp under my belt, there have been 2 where I've missed one day. Stellar record!! And feeling guilty about it is almost as good as actually exercising, right? I must clarify and say that it wasn't sheer laziness this time. I was down with the sickness last week, people. It was bad. About yearly I get a flare-up of diverticulitis (me and Grace Slick and John Cleese apparently! Thank you, Wiki! No more hiding in shame for me.), and wow. Just wow. The searing and blinding pain, the inability to stand up straight, the nausea, the total loss of appetite (let's silver lining this!) and resulting weakness all contributed to my inability to get up at 5:40 and even contemplate doing crunches. Or you know, walking.

I've had diverticulosis for years now, and have flirted with some holistic ways of lessening flare-ups as recommended by my nutritionist. For me, going gluten free has always helped me feel better. Less bloated. Less blah. Just better. BUT I have to say, that when you're gluten-free you miss out on a lot of good stuff.

So bad. So good.. And, bread? I'll miss you most of all.  

Anyway, this latest flare-up was actually good in a way because it reminded me that while sandwiches may be OH SO GOOD, working out and then eating a vat of mayonnaise on bread/pizza/cheeseburgers/burritos the size of my head just won't work for me. Or probably anyone for that matter, but especially me. So, in a way, this was a good wake-up call that while exercising will definitely help, eating right has to be a component too. BO-RING, but true and I was fighting it. Believe me, noone more fervently hoped that I'd be the one person who could exercise three times a week while eating a cheesecake and see the lbs fall off as I toned.  Fortuitously, last Wednesday a Whole Foods opened in my neighborhood (btw, I'm all for healthcare for everyone, and I saw that jackass Whole Foods CEO compare universal healthcare to giving people free access to wine and having them all buy the $300 bottle instead of the $7 bottle, just because it's available. That makes sense. Yeah, like people would really be like "Hmmm. Heart surgery sounds good. BECAUSE I CAN! mwah hah hah". But anyway, my point is, he's a douchehat obviously, but..... fresh produce! Delightful hot food items! Cheeses as far as the eye can see! Gluten-free produce for aisles. I wish I could quit you WF, but I'm in the throes of a deep and powerful crush right now so, no boycott for me. If someone else could boycott on my behalf, that'd be great) so the eating right has been made more convenient (again, LAZY people. So lazy. Do not underestimate me) and I'm committing to going Gluten-Free again and increasing fruit and veggies and protein and blah de blah de blah.

This morning I did manage to get back on track and get up at 5:40 in the freezing cold and walk 20 miles uphill in the snow with no shoes....and, oh no, wait....that wasn't me. This morning's workout (only 10 of us showed up-I already win, right?) consisted of warmups and then 4 times around a circuit with all kinds of fresh hell built in. I got trapped and disoriented in my sweater at one point when I was trying to take it off, and I thought I'd just been raptured. Being in heaven with a bunch of goody-two-shoes sounded better than doing any more squat thrusts with weights. I'm hopeful one day soon that won't be the case anymore.

Anyway, we finish our circuit and I was appalled to see we still had 20 minutes left. I know you can see this one coming, but I'd just like to point out that we had TWENTY straight minutes of ab work. Ab work that left us all crying, (by "us all" I mean me), had some people leaving mid-way, had Dmitri even exclaiming that Kelly was killing us, had us joking about throwing up. Yes, that's what my life has come to. I joke about throwing up from physical exertion now. Never saw that one coming.

In review, week 3 gets a solid C again. Week 4 is off to a good start, but I'm traveling for work and will miss both Wednesday and Friday so I've committed to working out on the road. You know, running up 5 flights of stairs 10 times as Dmitri told me. Basic stuff like that. EASY.

Also, a play at home portion: H/BF seems to be coming down with a cold. I forced him to stay home this morning. What do you think about working out when sick? Push through the pain/sneezes/hacking cough, or give your body time to recover? You tell me!

The dew is off the rose....

L. is our dog. He's a wonderful little dog. He's a little chihuahua/terrier mix.

Go ahead and die with the cuteness!

His interests include: snuggling, long walks off leash, barking ferociously at anyone who dares to walk on our block (anywhere on it), treats, lounging, sleeping and trying to make friends with the cat. He's pretty great with voice recall and making cute little sighing noises that make you want to pick him up and just eat him to pieces....Oh NOM, NOM, NOM delightful canine!

      Awwwwwwwwwww!

Things he is not interested in include, but are not limited to: other dogs, TV and HOLDING IT UNTIL WE TELL HIM IT'S MORNING AND TIME TO GO OUTSIDE NOW.

We're lucky enough to live in a place in San Francisco that has a huge backyard, so while we initially tried to freeze him out when he starts in with the whining at dark o'clock, we've had to learn the hard way that he usually won't just hold it, and we get up in the freezing cold and let him out back where he does what he needs to and then scampers back to the warmth of the floor, his dog bed, OK, FINE! our bed. He sleeps in our bed. I am not made of wood, people! The face! The ears! The smooshy sighs. Come on! Sadly, it appears our dog has a bladder the size of a mandarin orange segment. Now, on a night when we're not getting up at 5:40 to work out this is usually not a problem. A 5 minute interruption and everyone goes back to sleep.

This morning it didn't go down that way. We all ended up waking up at approximately 5:00 and then H/BF couldn't go back to sleep. At least it seemed like that from all the sighing, thrashing, turning and fidgeting that then kept ME awake. I believe I've referenced my affinity for sleeping before, so let me assure you that by the time the alarm went off, I was less than well pleased. Of course, being the mature, responsible adult that I am, I got out of bed and wished dear H/BF all the best for a wonderful day, while skipping to my car.

Anyway, that very lengthy diversion was all meant to culminate in this extremely obvious point:

WORKING OUT IS HARD.

For the past two weeks I've been coasting on the novelty of doing something new, using muscles I've never used before, fancying myself an "exerciser" now, but I've got to say, this week it's just been hitting me that this really is going to have to be a lifestyle thing and a commitment. It's not a fad. It's not dependent on what else is going on. It's not always going to be exciting or strange. It's hard. It's hard to get up when you've had too much wine the night before/deal with a dog who's got your wrapped around his paw. It's hard to box for an hour straight in the early morning light. It's hard to do ab work when you're lying in a pool of your own sweat. It's hard to keep trying at  push-ups although you STILL can't do a full one (getting closer, I can feel it). Hard to do some footwork exercises like I'm in the 49ers training camp, although I'm the only 49er with the motor skills of a stroke victim. It's all hard, but you know what? Maybe that's OK. It's getting easier all the time. Never easy, but easier.

And it's going to be hard for that dog to live with being crated at night until he learns to hold it, too.

Personal Best!

So, these are the results they talk about, huh? How you see things improving and some things get easier? Well, today it all came together for me. That's right! Today, I made it home in 47 minutes. A new record! The traffic crossing the bridge can be a killer. Today it wasn't. Oh, and how was my workout you ask? Well that sort of sucked.


On Friday evening I was stricken with some food poisoning/ebola virus that resulted in a lot of.... shall we say, um, unpleasantness best not discussed. Anyway, my stomach has been a little iffy ever since (sore and nauseous and whatnot), and you know what's good for that? Drinking wine and watching two episodes of Mad Men (Oh, Jon Hammmmmmmmm. You so dreamy!) followed by the Ken Burns series on the National Parks until I suddenly realized I needed to be up in about 6 hours for a workout. Back when H/BF was just the BF, he once sent me an email that ended with "URAQT", and I was very perplexed. Stumped, I sat there wondering what it meant, until I finally asked a friend for help decoding it. When she explained it to me she said "I guess that's why he didn't say "URASMARTT". True. True.


So, this morning's workout started with a Bataan Death March , bracing jog to the basketball courts "near" where we work out. I hate to run. Hate it. Few things make me feel more self-conscious and ungainly. I just feel like I LOOK like I don't know what I'm doing when I run. Where should my hands be? Why does my breathing sound like I'm in an iron lung? Why do my feet pound like that? Ugh. Unpleasant all around. BUT, nonetheless I made it all the way to the basketball courts. Whew!! Now that's done, I can catch my brea....Oh, start jumping rope right away? Faster? Oh, alright. Then squats, lunges, pushups and rinse and repeat.


From there we moved on to "Suicides". Do you know what a "suicide" is? Well, let my good friends at wiki answers enlighten you: Suicide sprints are simply running from one line to another and on each sequential run the lines get further apart. For example, on a football field, start at the end zone. To complete one pass, run to the 10 yard line, touch it, and run back. For the next pass, run from the end zone to the 20-yard line and back. For the next pass, go to the 30-yard line.... And so on. The lines can, in reality, be as far apart or close as necessary.


The reason they are called suicide sprints (or just "suicides") are because you end up doing several sets and you quickly want to stop or even "die".


Oh, wiki answers. Bravo! No truer words have ever been spoken. I can't even imagine attempting this on a football field.

I don't wear a watch to boot camp and it's mainly because I wouldn't be able to recover from the crushing disappointment of knowing that even with all this accomplished, we were approximately 30 minutes away from being done. We still had a circuit to do. With weights. And push-ups while lifting weights (Fail on the lifting, but I maintained a good plank pose, so you know, progress!), and jumping on a big weight ball, and push presses, and some fancy bastardized sit-ups, and some ab stuff, and then some more suicides (which were actually looking like the best option at this point because at least we weren't hauling a weight around) and then some other fancy shoulder lifts while squatting. Oh, and let's do all this three times. Because I guess the first two times you can still see through the sheets of sweat pouring down your face.  Can't have that!

For the finale we did some more ab work. My fave!! And then of course, we had to jog back. Have you ever been so tired that you sort of welcomed the idea of getting hit by a car just so you could lie down in the ambulance? Well, I sure haven't! Never even crossed my mind. Nope. And I most certainly did not go to Google images and search "jogging: can't go on" or "jogging collapse". Not me. (BTW, did you know Sarkozy collapsed while jogging? He's apparently hogging all the good google images on that one)

The Workout Week in Review: Week 2

Another week down! I missed today's session because I'm house-sitting/teen-chauffeuring this weekend. I was supposed to head to the house yesterday after work and be there through Sunday, so yesterday I packed up my laundry (Ah! Washer/dryer access. Can anything be sweeter to an apartment dweller?), my little overnight bag and my swimsuit and was ready to begin my weekend of luxury in someone else's house. Well, plans changed and I wasn't needed last night after all, so I got a bonus night at home with H/BF. Yay!

Now, of course, with this plan change, I would have very easily been able to get up and go to boot camp this morning. Did I? No. No, I did not. Here are some potential reasons why I couldn't make it this morning. Which do you think applies?:
A. I stayed up late watching crappy TV with some white wine (btw, "FlashForward"? Don't mind if I do!)
B. I'm lazy and had planned on not going, so I didn't
C. All of my gym clothes were in my laundry bag and smelled like something had died in them (the stench of pain and grim determination never comes out on the first try)
D. All of the above.

If you chose D. All of the above, gold star for you! So, you know, epic fail on that front. But, in some good news, the house I'm staying at has a pool, tennis courts and a gym (?!?! I KNOW! w00t! w00t!),so my horrible guilt at flaking on boot camp this morning can be assuaged somewhat by me getting some exercise in this weekend, and I'll be redoubling my efforts on Monday morning.

So, to sum up, Week 2 contained the following:

• My first sort of push-up (on my knees)
• Two good workouts
• One missed workout
• One oil change and car service
• Slight movement on the scale 
• Less crippling muscle pain after workouts
• A lot of TV watching. A LOT.

Meh. Not an epic week by any means, but onwards and upwards, chin up, journey of a thousand miles etc. etc.

Grade for Week 2: C
Leah shows some promise, but needs to apply herself more.

Other applications....

This morning was the first morning that it really killed me to get out of bed. The alarm went off, the H/BF got up, the dog got up ("OMG!OMG!OMG! Movement! We're all going someplace aren't we? I don't know where, but I see shoes! Yes! Yes! This is great! Greatest thing ever! wag.wag.wag. Let's go. Let's go! Let's go!!) and I laid there and moaned. Then I rolled over and moaned. Then I got up and started getting dressed/brushing my teeth etc. in a very scowly manner. Even the dog focused all of his attention on the H/BF as he knew I was a non-starter this morning. BUT! I got up and got dressed etc. and made my way to class. What made me do that instead of rolling over and going back to sleep? I don't know how to adequately explain it other than saying sometimes something switches in my brain and something just becomes non-optional for me. I simply have to go to class. There's no way around it.

Today we were boxing again, which: it's not a circuit with weights, so- Yay, but; it is still really hard and my whole left side is super tight and sore from Monday's workout, so- Ow. Oh, and as an aside, today was the first day that everyone else was complaining about being sore also, and let me tell you, nothing has ever sounded sweeter to me than the sound of those moans when we had to do lunges today. What can I say? I revel in our shared misery.

Anyway, my point being that today was another really tough workout (oh, really Leah? Hmmm! Shocking! Like I'm waiting for them to get to the hugging puppies workout or something. I definitely heard something about that one), but the thing I like about boot camp is that there's constantly somone checking in and urging you forward. You really can keep going when you hear it's just "30 more seconds!" (which, by the way, they so lie about and squeeze you for an extra 15 at the end. I'm on to you!), or "1 more minute. Push it.", or, the sweetest and best word in the English language: "TIME".

So, while I wasn't thinking about what an effort it is to breathe I was thinking about other applications where it'd be awesome to have your own personal boot-camp going.

1. Work - How awesome would it be to have someone standing behind you motivating you to get off the internet and pick up the phone? To work through that inbox and not just reply to the personal emails? To deal with all the boring aspects of your job that you'll always get to "tomorrow"? You know, ALLEGEDLY.  If you're you. I personally crank out top-quality product at all times, but maybe one of you would benefit from having your own personal Dmitri yelling "keep your chin down", and "just one more minute! Speed it up!"

2. Dating - It's been a while, but from what I can recall, dating can sometimes feel like a workout. All that talking and being "on" and pretending you're interested in getting to know the other person and blah blah blah. Wouldn't it be nice if you had a little voice in your head coaching you "Just one more minute of talking. Aaaaand, TIME! Now switch!", or reminding you "Come on, you're either in this or you're not. Work it!" I'm steering clear of the other instances where "Go for it! Keep going!" might apply.

3. Grocery store  -When that jackass with 22 items steps into the 15-items-or less aisle and holds everyone up, don't discount the value of having had someone demonstrate a perfect upper-cut and making you practice it until you nearly punch yourself in the face from fatigue.

4. Babysitting - Knowing how to jump rope really fast will COMPLETELY impress that toddler.

After nearly two weeks of bootcamp (oooh! check me out!), here are a few things I've taken away that apply across the board:

You can do anything knowing that it won't last forever. And nothing lasts forever. Not even situps.

You're probably not as lame as you think.

Everybody hurts.

Everything can be modified to work for you.

Making time for yourself takes time.

Change happens slowly sometimes, but things always do change.

5:45am is ALWAYS going to be really early.

A hot shower is one of life's greatest pleasures.

Sweating is stinky and gross, but oddly rewarding.

Oh, and in other news, it turns out that if you're going to pour something other than engine oil into your car, power steering fluid is maybe not the direst choice. As a matter of fact, it may clean some other gunk and buildup out of your engine! BUT, as my mechanic informed me, (Holla, Neil!), it is a corrosive so you want to get it out of there as quickly as possible. So, now you know kids!

The Workout Week in Review: Week 1

Today marks my first complete week of boot camp! Yes, three measly workouts, but to me it feels pretty much like this:

We are the champions...of the wooooooorld!

The week in review:

Number of times I worked out: 3
Number of times I worked out every other week of my life recently: 0
Excellent!! 100% improvement right out of the gate. Go team!

Total number of hours worked out: 3 -but at HIGH INTENSITY! Oh, the intensity.
Felt like: 75 hours, at least
Total number of hours spent watching TV: 9 (not counting weekends)
Felt like: 5 minutes. Seriously, 11:00pm already? But what happens to the people in the little box? They're still up! They have interesting things to tell me!

Number of days I was late to work due to working out: 3
Number of days I was late to work due to laziness: 2
Oops!

Number of times I said "Oh, sweet Jesus", rolled my eyes or said "I caaaaaaan't": Innumerable
Number of times I sucked it up and tried anyway: EVERY damn time
w00t w00t!! Effort FTW!

Number of times I had someone say something encouraging to get me through: Approx 45
Number of times I got sick of people pushing me: 0
I really need someone to push me (see: blog title), but do it in a way that doesn't make me feel like I'm not the boss of me (a whole other post for another day) , and honestly everyone I've worked out with this week,  and not just the trainers, have been great at that.

Worst exercise ever: Um, ALL OF THEM! But really, my own personal nemesis is anything core related. And these classes are all about the core. Oy.
Best exercise ever: I love yoga, but haven't taken a class in forever. I hope my new fitness regimen will eventually lead to me taking yoga between bootcamp workouts. As far as my favorite thing from bootcamp this week, I actually really enjoyed the boxing. That surpised me as it was certainly something I never would have done by myself.

Things I did this week that I have never done before: burpees, sumo kettlebell lifts, jumping squats, box step-ups, box step-up burpees, boxing, half a pushup, push presses, bicep curls, muay thai situps, dive bombs, squat lunges, jumping lunges, lifting 2 12lb weights at the same time, getting up at 5:30 to work out, mainlining Tiger Balm, using Icy/Hot patches, going to Sports Basement and buying actual workout gear etc.etc.
All in all, this week has been full of firsts, and I certainly didn't manage to execute any of the moves above with grace or aplomb, or even good form in most cases (although my squat is getting there and my push press is good!)  but I tried everything and surprised myself a few times.

Total number of lbs that just melted off the scale: 0
Disappointment about that: 0-1%. Sure, I'd love to immediately drop 2lbs a week, but honestly, I really just feel amazing that I made it without vomiting or collapsing or injuring myself. Plus, it may be totally psychosomatic, but I've convinced myself my muffin top is already deflating a smidge.

Total number of times H/BF got up and worked out also: 3
Yay!! Yay!! I'm inspirational. My husband/boyfriend (same guy occupies both spots-just FYI. Jesus, people. Get it out of the gutter) started running this week also, which is great! And just to clarify, we're never going to be one of those couples who sit around with empty 5-hour energy bottles strewn about as we discuss the "runner's high". But I digress! H/BF also gets a shout-out for working out. Bonus points for me coming home to find the bed made 2/3 days. Yay! Best H/BF ever! And super-fit to boot. 

Grade for Week 1: Solid B++
I showed for every class, I attempted everything, I showed (miniscule) improvement by the weeks end and I sweated my ass off!