Moving forward, Looking back

So! That happened. Holidays and gift-giving and traveling, and hosting and eating too much, and drinking too much, and oh, the drinking! Oh, the eating! It seemed like 2009 just evaporated, and in reviewing, I feel like I spent so much of it waiting impatiently for it to be over. Sorry, 2009!! As it turns out, while you may have been a historically shitty year for some people, you didn't treat me half badly.  The first half of the year was spent preparing for and having a wedding:

Awwwwww! I CAN HAZ WEDDING RING NOW?

Then, once we got back from our honeymoon it was already June and, GAWD! can't I just have some time to not be planning a wedding and get back to normal?  The summer was a haze of returning to work, telling people about how being married is the exact same as not being married, baseball games and enjoying the sweet kiss of all the delicious gluten I'd deprived myself of so I wouldn't look like a heifer at the wedding and on the beach. Well, as it turns out, the sweet kiss turned out to be a total date-rape that left me all bloated and pudgy and gross-feeling by mid-September. Why, gluten, why? Anyway, the rest of the year was filled with the standards- work, travel for work, beginning to work out, neglecting my diet (WHAT? I'm working out now!), Mad Men Season 3, complaining about how fast the year was flying by while simultaneously waiting to be over the holidays and on to a New! Year! (pictured in my mind with jazz hands behind at all times), whic you know, would make my life different? Or something?.

So, here we are! January. In the manner of "The Secret" (which, they're making a movie? Jesus), I will now share with you all the things I envision for myself froma  workout standpoint and will make happen this year:

• I will continue with boot camp until I notice more positive changes
  Sure, there have been changes since I started working out regularly, but the sucky part about changing your entire body is that it takes time for your fat cells to get motivated to get gone. In their defense, they've had a nice long run of it and seem pretty comfortable. Where I had envisioned working out for three months as a Mucinex-level evacuation of any squishy bits, they're instead stubbornly hanging on, and possibly migrating to other areas in the hopes I won't notice.Let me reiterate, I've seen a lot of positive changes since I started working out, but, because it wouldn't be real unless I could complain about it, let me get that out of the way right now.
  Silver lining: thighs have definitely slimmed down a lot and saddlebags be-gone! Yay!
  Way to never miss the grey cloud: my thighs were never my biggest concern
  Light at the end of the tunnel: those squats have most certainly helped a LOT with my butt becoming its own separate entity, and not just a mass that seeped onto my thighs (hmmmm. Could've maybe chosen a better word than "seeped", but sorry, you're stuck with that image now)
  Oncoming train moment: fat from my ass may be stubbornly climbing to settle on heretofore not problematic "love handles"
  Exciting developments: Arms are certainly firming up and my back is showing signs of improvement also.
  Way to complain anyway: Um, the other flabby bits are still there. But getting less flabby.
  
• I will continue to work on my push-ups
  Kelly showed me how what I thought was a kick-ass (if assisted by my knees resting comfortably on the floor) push-up was in fact all wrong, so now I'm doing this variation where my hips are low to the ground and my poor little elbows flail wildly while I manage to depress myself about an inch towards the ground and scream in pain. This is the year I make push-ups my bitch.
  
• I will be less likely to give in when things are hard or boring or not fun
  Without getting all "Eye of the Tiger" on you, this is one thing working out has really helped me with. The H/BF and I have a running joke that if something is hard you should just quit, but I've mentioned before how I've been amazed by what pushing myself can do. Mental game and blah, blah, blah, feelings of pride, accomplishment etc. Which is a good thing to apply to everything really. Work is boring and not interesting? You know what? That's ok. Do it anyway. Just delve in and keep going and then your day is over and before you know it you've made a dent in your workload and you feel good that you didn't spend 6 of your 8 hours ensuring the Internet is still there. (It is by the way)
  
• I will start supplementing boot camp with other exercise
  Sneaky, sneaky exercise! I started off thrilled by making it to class three times a week. And I still am, but gradually all those damn endorphins and the changes you start to see really do start to become something to look forward to. Then, before you know it you're thinking "maybe I should take a yoga class on Tuesday/go for a short run/go for  hike/ride a bicycle" or something similar and that's why exercise is a gateway drug. When will I indulge all of my bad habits if good habits are trying to force their way in? Crap!
  
• I will start eating healthier more consistently
  See above re. gateway drug. I'm currently doing a detox (no booze, caffeine, gluten, dairy, sugar) and really want to keep a few of those habits going well past my 21-day finish line. Now, let me also add that if my metabolism gets crazy fast because I'm doing all this good stuff, I will probably enjoy shoveling Milk Duds in my face at an alarming rate again. But that's OK, because if I ever get to that level I DESERVE IT. Let me be.

And just because I can, here's what I hope to get done on a non-workout personal level for 2010:

• Try to be maybe sorta more tolerant and less easily annoyed and bitingly sarcastic about other people just trying to live thier lives. Even if that life-living includes any of the following: stupidity, mouth-breathing, flip-flops, visors, Ed Hardy, loudness, obnoxiousness or just generally being a douche. (Wow. In rereading that I realize I've just vowed to be nicer to the cast of Jersey Shore.)
• Be a better friend and correspondent. I'm lucky enough to have a lot of friends, some living far away. My letter/email-writing is woefully infrequent although I think about them all often. I plan to do more of letting them know that. For local friends that means more time, more involvement, more letting them know they're aces also. (That sound you hear is all my nearby friends heaving a collected sigh of "Eeeehhhhmm, what's this more involvement thing?")
• Hopefully get knocked up. There. I said it. GULP. Boy, it feels weird to think about getting pregnant on purpose when all your life you've been steadfastly devoted to the opposite. But, H/BF is awesome, would be a great Dad, we're all official and stuff, and somewhere between 30 and now my biological clock went from non-existent to powered by Timex and it just WILL NOT STOP. So there. Scary.

More on that later. I've still got those push-ups to conquer, that fat to blast, that eating healthy to start and also this blog to update more regularly.

By the way, this Workout Week in Review consisted of the following:
Boot camp x 3. I win!
Sweat x 1,000,000
Muscle soreness x 3 days of being crippled.

Not a bad start to 2010! Hope the same is true for you!

Workout Week in Review: Week 4*

You know, I don't think I've ever actually seen a "Rocky" movie all the way through, but whenever I try to search for something that adequately expresses the way I feel on a Friday with another week of working out behind me, the theme song involuntarily starts in my head and images like this seem to sum it up better than I ever could:

I look like this after every workout. Minus the flag. And the..oh you get it.

Seriously, somehing about the sweat, the beaten down but victorious aura, and the slightly brain-damaged look just encapsulate the agony that is working out better than any lengthy diatribe could. But get ready for a lengthy diatribe anyway.

I must say, Week 4* was my week *pats self on back* . I mean, I OWNED those stupid workouts this week. I don't know if it was the time off last week, or the fact that I've been at this now for a whole month (and a few days, but let's not get technical), or the fact that Dmitri told me when I first met him that I'd be able to do a push-up within a month, but this week saw a return to extreme soreness after each workout, gallons of sweat and steam exuded and marginal noticeable improvements.

Today a whopping 6 of us showed up. Showed up and were "beaten by the fitness stick" as Kelly put it. Ouch. I won't bore you with the details but just imagine much gnashing of teeth, rending of limbs and wailing. Not to mention the other 5 girls (ba dum bum! Thank you! I'm here all week folks!...). Seriously, it was yet another circuit involving pain and burpees and weighted squats and push presses and sprints and weighted lunges and kettle bells and then...hopscotch. That's right! They've destroyed jump rope for me, and now they're slowly working their way through all of my other childhood enjoyments. What's next? Hula hoops? Affixing Care Bears in a weight belt around me? Making me stay in a consistent squat by putting me in an ALF costume? When does it end?

    What you didn't know is that ALF had GREAT glutes

Anyway, I figured I'd start my circuit with hopscotch, because IT'S HOPSCOTCH! I mean, I did this for hours as a child. And then I'd go and jump rope all the way home. How hard can it be? Well, not so hard. The first time through on one leg. Moderately harder the second and third, and by the fourth you're just weeping for the 8 year old self who hopscotched the day away with nary a care or aching hamstring in the world. There's a scene in this epically underrated cinematic masterpiece , where Zac Efron (le sigh) has just been transported back into his significantly hotter 17 year old self's body (sorry Matt Per. We had some good times. We'll always have "The Whole Nine Yards", where, by the way, Bruce Willis was much hotter than you also. Sowwy! Guess that's your lot), and he's flying around the basketball court and jumping and being all athletic and he stops and comments "We are all in such good shape". Well, you said a mouthful mister. I know my 8 year old self would have been ashamed to see me stopping before each turn, panting like a wildebeest, and, the horror, completely missing the ring I was supposed to land in sometimes. Now, in my defense, hopscotch is played in squares and these were circles we were supposed to be hopping through, but all the same, small consolation, no?

On a positive note, from there I surprised myself by doing some complicated lifting of weights while in a plank position, having "perfect form" on my squats when a kettlebell was forcing me lower to the ground than I ever wanted to go, not falling while sprinting, and being told my burpees were "looking better". This was a good week.

Grade for  Week 4* : You know, I'm just going to go ahead and put it out there. An A. That's right. I aced it this week. Showed up every day, pushed myself, saw some improvements (back fat possibly diminishing? Maybe? Becoming overall less mushy? Possibly.), was achy like nobody's business (because the pain means I'm doing it right! Lactic acid buildup FTW!) and also, my level of complaining while working out has maybe gotten a little better.

Good job, Leah! Now go forth and enjoy date night with H/BF tonight, listen to music and drink wine on Treasure Island tomorrow and maybe get a little "Where the Wild things Are" in there for good measure. You all do the same! Or, you know, your version of a fun weekend.

The Workout Week in Review: Week 1

Today marks my first complete week of boot camp! Yes, three measly workouts, but to me it feels pretty much like this:

We are the champions...of the wooooooorld!

The week in review:

Number of times I worked out: 3
Number of times I worked out every other week of my life recently: 0
Excellent!! 100% improvement right out of the gate. Go team!

Total number of hours worked out: 3 -but at HIGH INTENSITY! Oh, the intensity.
Felt like: 75 hours, at least
Total number of hours spent watching TV: 9 (not counting weekends)
Felt like: 5 minutes. Seriously, 11:00pm already? But what happens to the people in the little box? They're still up! They have interesting things to tell me!

Number of days I was late to work due to working out: 3
Number of days I was late to work due to laziness: 2
Oops!

Number of times I said "Oh, sweet Jesus", rolled my eyes or said "I caaaaaaan't": Innumerable
Number of times I sucked it up and tried anyway: EVERY damn time
w00t w00t!! Effort FTW!

Number of times I had someone say something encouraging to get me through: Approx 45
Number of times I got sick of people pushing me: 0
I really need someone to push me (see: blog title), but do it in a way that doesn't make me feel like I'm not the boss of me (a whole other post for another day) , and honestly everyone I've worked out with this week,  and not just the trainers, have been great at that.

Worst exercise ever: Um, ALL OF THEM! But really, my own personal nemesis is anything core related. And these classes are all about the core. Oy.
Best exercise ever: I love yoga, but haven't taken a class in forever. I hope my new fitness regimen will eventually lead to me taking yoga between bootcamp workouts. As far as my favorite thing from bootcamp this week, I actually really enjoyed the boxing. That surpised me as it was certainly something I never would have done by myself.

Things I did this week that I have never done before: burpees, sumo kettlebell lifts, jumping squats, box step-ups, box step-up burpees, boxing, half a pushup, push presses, bicep curls, muay thai situps, dive bombs, squat lunges, jumping lunges, lifting 2 12lb weights at the same time, getting up at 5:30 to work out, mainlining Tiger Balm, using Icy/Hot patches, going to Sports Basement and buying actual workout gear etc.etc.
All in all, this week has been full of firsts, and I certainly didn't manage to execute any of the moves above with grace or aplomb, or even good form in most cases (although my squat is getting there and my push press is good!)  but I tried everything and surprised myself a few times.

Total number of lbs that just melted off the scale: 0
Disappointment about that: 0-1%. Sure, I'd love to immediately drop 2lbs a week, but honestly, I really just feel amazing that I made it without vomiting or collapsing or injuring myself. Plus, it may be totally psychosomatic, but I've convinced myself my muffin top is already deflating a smidge.

Total number of times H/BF got up and worked out also: 3
Yay!! Yay!! I'm inspirational. My husband/boyfriend (same guy occupies both spots-just FYI. Jesus, people. Get it out of the gutter) started running this week also, which is great! And just to clarify, we're never going to be one of those couples who sit around with empty 5-hour energy bottles strewn about as we discuss the "runner's high". But I digress! H/BF also gets a shout-out for working out. Bonus points for me coming home to find the bed made 2/3 days. Yay! Best H/BF ever! And super-fit to boot. 

Grade for Week 1: Solid B++
I showed for every class, I attempted everything, I showed (miniscule) improvement by the weeks end and I sweated my ass off!

Oh, sweet Jesus! Sweet, Sweet Jesus.

I know I mentioned photos and details would be posted last Wednesday after my first workout, but Wednesday got away from me and then the next day I would have posted if I'd been able to a.) lift my arms enough to hold a camera, b.) type, and let's not forget c.) haul myself from my seated position to stand for pictures.

HO-LEE SHIT! This is going to be hard. So hard.

I made it to Berkeley with plenty of time to spare on Wednesday morning and sat outside Phoenix Gym, (nothing like sitting in a car across from somebody's house on a quiet street at 7:00am to make you feel like a complete stalker)  where I was to meet Dmitri for my assessment/orientation/personal training session prior to starting boot camp on Monday. As anyone who has started an exercise program knows, that first step is a hard one. Sitting in the car and psyching myself up to walk into some big unknown felt like its own little victory. Which was good, because the rest of the session was like my own personal hellfest.

I chose Phoenix Gym because I've read Kelly's blog for a while, and really liked her story (not sporty at all, not athletic or desiring to be so, never worked out, started running one day to try to lose some baby weight and lo, some 7 years later she's running her own gym), her approach (cupcakes are not the enemy, food is awesome, getting fit is better than getting skinny, working out is hard but rewarding and anyone can do it), and maybe most importantly, her humor and irreverance.  I figured that even though it's located in Berkeley, it may be a better fit for what I need to motivate me. That is somebody to push me, challenge me, pay attention to my form and progress, and throw a few f-words in there while making me laugh about it all.

Don't look like they're on day release from Satan, do they?

So, I met Dmitri while Kelly finished up the 6:30 bootcamp class and we started off with a gentle jog around the block as he asked me where I was at physically (ground zero), and told me a little about their setup. All was going well until he gradually started picking up the pace (while maintaining a conversation with me of course. My responses consisted mainly of panting). The gate back to the studio was then in view and as I go for it he tells me to sprint with him to the end of the block, all the while yelling at me to "keep up! keep up!". Um, yeah, not so much. Then when I reached the end of the block (a good half block behind him), he turns around and insists we jog back. Around this time I was plotting how long I could be polite before faking a heart attack and doing the only sprinting I would be happy to do, back to my car.

That was just the initial warmup as it turns out. From there, for the next hour he made me jump rope, get on a rowing machine, do push ups (yeah, good luck with that one Dmitri! Joke's on you!! It's nice and cool down here on the floor which I'm pressed to, and my arms can barely hold a pint glass steady, so thinking they can support my entire body weight will not fly. What do you mean, keep trying? AAAAAAAAAAGH. No. No. Do not want!), do things called a "push press" that involves lifting weights OVER MY HEAD AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN until my arms turned to quivering limbs and I prayed for the sweet embrace of death as the 8lb weights threatened to crush my skull, then some more weights stuff, then some kettle bell exercises, squats, lunges, sit-ups, sit-ups with weights, ab-curls, fetal position curls, ritualistic sacrifices and probably some other stuff as well (I've blocked a lot of it out in self-preservation).

After that, I filled in some paperwork (could barely hold the pen and I think I may have spelled my own name incorrectly), rambled incoherently about wanting to get fit, which class I'd like to take, and then stumbled out of there on very, very shaky legs with a chipper "See you Monday!!"

You could barely hear the evil cackling in my wake.

Let me say it again, THIS IS GOING TO BE HARD.

The Who, The What, The Why and The How

The Who:
The aforementioned Lazy Leah. I'm xxxxty-two. I live in San Francisco with my husband, dog, cat and a shitload of hipsters. I eat out a lot. I watch TV a lot. I drink now and again, moderately, OK, Jesus a lot. Probably a lot. (Like, not "alcoholic" a lot. San Francisco is the third drinkiest city in America. Don't judge me! It's geography.)
I do not do a lot of the following: exercise, eat right, get enough sleep, drink enough water or take very good care of this mortal coil.

The What:
This blog is going to be my chronicle of how I plan on changing most of that (I'll probably still eat out and drink a lot). I've never, ever been athletic, a regular exerciser, fit, or even felt particularly healthy. I'd like to turn that around. I'd like to commit to getting in shape and see measurable results and an improvement in my whole life.

The Why:
Just time. My life is kind of in flux and I feel like I'm ready for something to get really obsessed about. My health seems slightly more worthwhile (and less likely to land me in jail) than my current devotion to Zac Efron in 17 Again.

 Oh, sweet baby Jesus!

While it may sound like total bullshit and trite as hell, it's also about a bigger thing than just getting healthy. On some level, I've been vaguely dissatisfied with my life forever. Something could always be better, bigger, brighter. I grew up overseas and wanted a 19-year olds ephemeral version of "more", so I was fortunate enough to be able to move to California. I got a job but hated where I lived, hated what I did for a living (you know it's hard out there for a pimp), hated feeling in-between two cultures. Then that got better and I felt more at home here. Then I got a job I liked. Then I moved to San Francisco and fell in love. With the city. With a boy. As Lifetime as it sounds, I was very in love with my life (Meredith Baxter Birney stars in "Everything's great!: From East Bay lame to San Fran game"). But still.

Still. That "but" was always there. Because while I've genuinely worked hard to make myself happy (sure there were rough patches here and there but I AM happy), I have always truly been lazy. I've never really pushed myself to an uncomfortable point for anything. What could be a more clear indication of that than feeling like the very thereness of you, your body, your solidity that carries all the rest of you around is sluggish and underappreciated and neglected?

So, this got me thinking that getting this body in shape and fit will be a way of honoring how the rest of my life has gotten "in shape", because I know I have so much to be thankful for and I want to be present for it all. As the great Patton Oswalt said, I don't want to drop dead because I stapled three sheets of paper together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pNtDt0JQTM


The How: (which involves a lot of !!!! and BOLD and italics)

Believe me, while I wish I could say this was going to be accomplished by picturing unicorns naked (and by unicorns, I mean Zac Efron of course), I'm going to go the traditional route. Working out and shit. I have my first personal training session set up for next Wednesday at 7:30am.
Did I mention I'm lazy? 7:30am!!!!!. You know, because actually exercising after not doing it in....ohhhhh... EVER isn't enough of a challenge.
Oh, and because getting up early and exercising would be too easy  for someone as lazy as me, did I mention I'll also be DRIVING TO BERKELEY to do it? You know, 30 minutes away? That Berkeley.
But, see now that I've gone to all the trouble (15 mins, and 7 of that was looking for the lazy cat) of setting up this here blog and telling you fine people, person myself about it on the internetz, I'm going to do this.

Brutally honest measurements, weight and pictures will be posted on Wednesday as the "before". There, that just scared even me away.