Walk this Way.

"Thank you all for coming. My name is Leah and I haven't used any Tiger Balm in 24 hours, although I gotta be honest...I don't know if I can make it through another night without the stuff, man. I need it. I need it bad".

This morning was my second boot camp class (please, please, no applause!). The reason that would be applause-worthy is because last Thursday after my initial session with Dmitri I woke up and could not walk. COULD NOT WALK.  I could not raise my hands to my head to shampoo my hair, I could not turn my head, and who knew brushing your teeth could be such an exercise in agony, what with all that back and forth, back and forth, up and down, up and down business? I was in bad shape. I mean, now, I'm no fitness pro or anything, but even I could tell that seemed like a big step backwards. This feeling that one more step would cause my hamstring to snap like a twig, that my back was broken, that my shoulders were dislocated, that my abs were being crushed to death by the layers of fat on them because something is just squeezing and squeezing and MAKE IT STOP. This continued through Friday. Saturday was a little better, and by Sunday I was able to walk without an obvious limp again. I was even able to get in and out of chairs unassisted! Progress!! Mad progress! Just in time for Monday's first boot camp.

I was very nervous about this group class. Fear of what it would be like basically transported me back to high school where my P.E class consisted of 2 girls and the entire soccer team, so that we ended up playing soccer for the entire year, and the other girl and I basically played the goalposts, as we stood around looking bored and squealing any time a ball came near us. I didn't want to be the last one rounding the corner on my knees from a run as everyone else finished up (with their still-perfect makeup and lightly glistening faces), I didn't want to be the one to drop my weights in front of everyone when my arms gave out, I didn't want to be the one to not be able to do a pushup as everyone looked on and laughed, I didn't want to be the goalpost because I coudln't do anything else, and above all that I didn't want to vomit from the exertion. I'm glad to report that none of those things happened (I still couldn't do a pushup but nobody laughed).

We started off with some cardio and resistance training, and I felt like I held my own on that. Then came the circuit training. The circuit training involved weights, and squats, and box steps and snow angels, and kettlebells and pushups, and on and on and all of it very fast. So fast. Oh, so fast. The good news was, as I had counted on, Kelly and Dmitri monitored me pretty closely for form and so I avoided knocking myself or anyone else out with a dumbbell and really, you can do anything for 30 seconds at a time (that's what she said). After the bell rang to signal the end of that I patted myself on the back for not vomiting, picked up my car keys and thought "Wow! It's so true about all those endorphins they mention when you exercise. I feel AH-MAZING! I am best worker-outer-ever. Will probably solve world peace today. Are my pants looser already? Ooh, this is SUCH a rush! Maybe I'll be one of those addicted-to-exercise people soon and wait, what's this now? What are all those mats laid out for? What's this talk of "working on abs" amidst protests? What do you mean I need to do 50 leg kicks on each side and bicycle kicks and curls all kind of other evilness? Jesus, I thought we only had 5 minutes left, has time slowed down this much? I can't go on. This was a mistake. This is all Taylor Swift's fault. I hate these guys. Why is this girl next to me breathing like that? What the fuck is that bird chirping for? How is the world such a cold and bleak place? I'm dying. Good! I want to die. I have nothing left to live for...Oh, we're done? OK then."

Thought workout was done

Workout was not done.

Anyway, after Monday I wised up and started in with the Icy/Hot patches and ibuprofen and Tuesday I was actually moving around under my own steam, although my butt cheeks were still beyond sore. In a way, I figured it was a good pain and maybe meant my ass was motivating itself to pick itself up and begin the slow crawl back up my thighs (charming image I know, but who knew your butt was supposed to be a separate and distinct part of your body?)

The wonderful thing about Phoenix is that they change up the workouts all the time, so you can never get comfortable. Today was actually a solid hour of boxing. With real gloves and hitting pads on people's hands and stuff. All very "Rocky" and I didn't hit anyone in the face or anything! Win!! Also puke free today and long may it continue.

Have decided against posting measurements and weight on this blog, because HELLO...NOSEY! but today Dmitri mentioned that my squat was already looking much better and more flexible (boy, if I had a nickel!) and I really will do my best to keep this honest. This is a non-optional project for me through December and then I'll reevaluate and see where I'm at fitness-wise and if I notice any body changes. In the meantime though, two classes in, I can say I'm cautiously optimistic that my days of being the goalpost may be drawing to a close. That feels good.